AS FOR THE TITLE ABOVE, I’D LIKE TO THANK MIGUEL IMSON AND ANTONETTE TAGAMI FOR ADDING CHARLES IN FACEBOOK HAHAHAHAHA. And yes, I’m sick again. For the nth time this year. :[ Something’s wrong with meeeee. T_T I just hope someone in school will turn out positive for the whole swine flu thing. THAT WAY WE WON’T HAVE ANY CLASSES AND I’LL BE HAPPY BECAUSE I’M SUCH A SELFISH JERK.

Hmm… anyway…!

NIKKO BLOOPERS!

Nikko: Hey Rea, you know what I’ve been wondering all my life?
Me: …….what? o_O
Nikko: Houston.
Me: ………….oh holy shit. Who’s that? Your boyfriend? You’re coming out?
Nikko: What?? Goddamn it no. I mean, you know in those space movies
Me: Armageddon
Nikko: Yeah, anyway, I mean I’ve been wondering… who the hell is Houston? I mean you hear them all the time saying, “Houston, we have a problem.” and then I’d just sit on my chair and say, “WHO THE FUCK IS THAT GUY AND HOW OLD IS HE??” I mean are they talking about just one guy or is every guy they hire in that position named Houston?
Me: ….
Nikko: It’s crazy right?? What do you think?
Me: Houston, Texas.
Nikko: Huh?
Me: Houston, as in where NASA is located………… Nikko: Oh…… fuck.
Me: XD
Nikko: The greatest mystery in my life… gone… just like that…
Me: That’s ok. It was pretty stupid anyway. XD
Nikko: T_T

Nikko: Rea guess what
Me: Oooh I like guessing games. Um um um, you just discovered a map that will lead us to the hidden land of Atlantis?
Nikko: …no. AND NO, I DID NOT BUY A FEDORA HAT THAT WILL MAGICALLY TURN ME INTO INDIANA JONES EITHER, SO DON’T EVEN START.
Me: But I didn’t even say that. Nikko: Yes, but I know that you will eventually.
Me: …XD So what is it?
Nikko: I’m getting laid today! Me: …what?
Nikko: actually I think I deserve it
Me: …………..
Nikko: i’ve been working my back off. i need to feel success once in a while.
Me: God almighty. Why are you telling me this?
Nikko: why? o_O if I lived anywhere near davao, I would have treated you out already
Me: -seething with fury- Why? So you can tell me all about it? How amazing it was? How sexy and beautiful the girl was? No thank you. You know, you can be such a heartless bastard sometimes. I have no idea why I still talk to you. I mean, how can you just tell me that as if it’s nothing when you obviously know that it will NOT mean nothing to me? Fine then. Good luck with whoever you’re going to be with. Have a happy session you fucking sicko. I hate you i hope you die.
Nikko: What the fuck are you getting mad at?
Me: WHY SHOULDN’T I BE MAD. YOU GO AROUND TELLING ME THAT YOU’RE GONNA GET LAID TODAY AND YOU THINK I’M JUST GONNA BE ALL OK ABOUT WHEN I’M OBVIOUSLY NOT OK ABOUT IT. ARE YOU THAT STUPID?
Nikko: I’m getting LAID????? wtf
Me: YES! THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID YOU STUPID BASTARD
Nikko: Rea I’m getting PAID today. PAID as in my dad’s gonna PAY me for working part time in the company. where the hell did you get that idea?
Me: SCROLL UP, GENIUS
Nikko: …oh. oh shit. sorry… that was… a major typo. god I’m sorry I didn’t even notice it. I’m real sorry.
Me: oh. and to think I blew up in front of you.
Nikko: that’s ok. i’m used to it. ._.
Me: You know what, forget what I said. Scratch it. All of it.
Nikko: Me: Well this is awkward.

Me: damn I’m nervous ._.
Nikko: it’ll be ok. I mean the doctor probably won’t throw things at you. o_O
Me: who knows. what if I cut his hand instead of the suture? XD
Nikko: lol scissoring is easy. it won’t happen.
Me: …scissoring… o_O
Nikko: WTF TYPO O_O
Me: Gagu ka aminin mo lang talaga you thought scissoring was a real verb
Nikko: gago hindi no
Me: asus
Nikko: gago!

Nikko: I’m coming out Me: WHAAAT??????
Nikko: lol I thought you’d like it o_O
Me: …………………………NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Nikko: you liked the movie. I thought you’d like it -_-
Me: puta I never said I liked brokeback mountain. putang ina di nga?
Nikko: Brokeback mountain? o_O
Me: Coming out! Brokeback! Gay!
Nikko: gago I meant the song in princess diaries
Me: …oh XD
Nikko: hahaha

Me: OMG NIKKO.
Nikko: what? o_O
Me: My cousin just gave me this really bitchy skirt
Nikko: lol define bitchy :))
Me: It’s real short and shit
Nikko: be careful when you’re wearing it.
Me: As if I’m gonna wear it. o_O
Nikko: Well what if you run out of pants or something
Me: Well it’s not like I’m stupid enough to stand on top a fan or bend or something
Nikko: I’m not talking about that
Me: Well what is it?
Nikko: be careful. your penis might show.
Me: PUTA KA

Me: and they said the world will end in 2012.
Nikko: -_-
Me: creepy, right?
Nikko: I don’t believe in those things. I mean, how would they know? o_O
Me: aba malay. but it’s best we set up a shelter now while we’re ahead.
Nikko: have fun XD
-after a while-
Nikko: REA
Me: What? o_O
Nikko: is your offer still open? the whole shelter thing???
Me: why? ._.
Nikko: COUNT ME IN.
Me: …is there something you want to tell me? Nikko: BRENDA AND TUCKER WENT OUT LAST SUNDAY.
Me: WHAT THE FUCK
Nikko: IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD
Me: GET YOUR ASS HERE IN 24 HOURS. WE’RE STARTING THE SHELTER!!!

Normally I would be completely against things like this. I mean, let’s be honest, most film adaptations have been rather shitty (there are some that get away with it though like LOTR, Stardust, Carrie, To Kill A Mockingbird and the like) and completely directed to teen audiences. I mean, my God, have you seen Nancy Drew?? I wanted to shoot Emma Roberts the moment the movie started, and I would have too, if only I wasn’t too busy deciding which one I should shoot first, the television or my head. The girl obviously CANNOT act, and yeah she’s beautiful, that’s for sure, but if she wasn’t the niece of Julia Roberts, she’d be a complete nobody. I liked it better when she was in Unfabulous, a show where almost nobody knew how to act, so it’s completely understable why she’s in it.

BUT NANCY DREW.

I grew up reading those books! I haven’t read the entire series, of course (hello, Nancy Drew, is composed of 150+ books), but I followed it anyway.

The only reason why I kept watching Nancy Drew til the end is because Ned is actually kinda cute.

ANYWAY, back my original point. Norwegian Wood. Words cannot describe how much I love and worship this book to the point that I hid it somewhere safe in my room, inside a BOX even. Losing my copy of Norwegian Wood is absolutely unacceptable. Come to think of it, I’d rather lose my entire Series of Unfortunate Events (which I love dearly as well) or my LOTR set than lose that book. The latter, I can find anywhere, but as for Norwegian Wood, well… are they even still printing it??

So! I found out that L from Death Note (the movie, duh) will be playing Toru. Normally I would be appalled and start a boycott, since he kinda doesn’t look like a Toru Watanabe for me BUT HE’S HOT SO WHY THE HELL NOT. Matsuyama anyway, not Toru, since Toru isn’t supposed to be good looking. Midori even yelled (in the greatest confession scene ever written) “I WISH I COULD HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE A LITTLE MORE HANDSOME, BUT NO, I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU!”.

Hmm. Maybe they can uglify him for the movie. :))

Scenes I cannot wait to see:

-Every single Midori scene
-The part where Reiko plays Norwegian Wood on the guitar
-Nagasawa scenes
- and of course, Norwegian Wood won’t be Norwegian Wood without… STORM TROOPER!!!

You know, you probably didn’t understand one thing I said but that’s ok because nobody reads this shit anyway SO BYE.

Although some would say the games are more childish, and then they’d tell me to get the PSP instead because “Mas nindot gyud ang mga dula sa PSP kay pang tigulang… -wink wink-”, to which I would reply with a blank stare… and a dash to the nearest exit. Well there’s nothing we can do about that, I prefer childish games because I still consider myself as one, and I harbor no interest towards adult games. Besides, all the cool RPGs are in the DS. I know getting the DS means no Tekken for me, but that’s what TimeZone is for, right? D: And though I know the PSP offers more features (songs,pictures??), I don’t think I’m going to need that anyway since I already have Tristan III and Holden for that stuff.
You know, I should really be using the money to buy shit for Holden. Every time I make a purchase, using the money that’s supposed to be for Holden, I would always say “This is the last! After that, I’m going to starve! I will buy what Holden needs!”, but until now, I still haven’t bought a single thing for him, and my “Things-I-Need-To-Buy-For-Holden” list has withered and gone away with the wind…

An example would be my constant avarice for books. I have around 10 that I haven’t even opened yet, but still I find myself going inside a bookstore and going out with 1 or 2 books in my hand. I always make up excuses while I’m lining up, though no one’s going to ask me or make me feel guilty about it, but it makes me feel better that way. Yet whenever I’m bored, I always find myself flailing my arms and screaming “I have nothing to read!”

But now my days of boredom shall be over! I am going to get a  Nintendo DS, and though it’s rather late since the craze started YEARS ago it wouldn’t matter since I am going to enjoy it anyway. PLUS all the cool HM games will be out soon. :]

OH… and about Holden’s list… do I need to spell it out? I am pretty much convinced that I am more interested in mindless video games than photography. A sad yet undeniable truth.

I guess the last time I saw it on TV was 8 years ago. Or probably longer than that. I can’t remember. All I know is it taught me one of my most known attributes today: trash talking. Little Pete was my idol. I didn’t have a plaid hunter’s hat, or weather beaten boots or my own personal super hero like he did, but one thing I did borrow from him was his sharp tongue. I could remember screaming “You’re a blowhole!” “Read it and weep, fungus-lick!”, “What a nimrod!” or my favorite line from him yet “Stick in your armpits, Pit stink!” at my friends and even at my parents sometimes. They didn’t understand it, of course, but I felt special saying it. I thought I was the only kid in the whole city who watched that show. When I tried to open that subject to my friends, they’d compare it to other cartoons, which isn’t bad, since back then, almost everything in Nickelodeon was worth watching, unlike the muck they air today.

But you can simply imagine how weird it is to find The Adventures of Pete and Pete as a show that teaches you real life lessons. BUT here’s an excerpt from one episode. I didn’t get it the first time I saw it, but after seeing it again last night (AFTER WEEKS OF TORTURING MYSELF WITH THE LOOOOONG DOWNLOAD), it felt weird. 8 years ago or so, I deemed the ending mushy, or just plain stupid (in a good way, because Pete and Pete is so surreal that stupid=good). But now, I couldn’t help but think how true the ending is, it even made me think. SERIOUSLY.

The episode is The Call. It’s about this pay phone in the middle of a field that’s been ringing for 27 straight years, and it’s been driving people crazy. Why they didn’t answer it? People had their own theories. From having your brain liquified the moment you answer it, to learning the exact day, hour, minute and second of your death. Little Pete, being the daring debonair he always was, didn’t care. He just wanted to know who was on the other end of the line and become a legend. After a gruesome journey towards the pay phone, he finds out that the phone call was actually for his mom, because she was the first passerby when the phone started to ring. The person calling was her 7th grade classmate, Hub, who loved her since then. WEIRD, RIGHT? LOL XD But it gets better. He tells her what he feels, but she simply declines his love anyway, since she loves someone else, her husband, and she practically has a family now. But even after the confession, he still kept on calling the pay phone, kept the phone ringing.

Here’s the amazing narration Big Pete (the older one, different from Little Pete) had to say at the end.

“Hub knew that mom would never pick up the phone, but it didn’t really matter. To him, the rings were like an eternal flame he kept lit by simply staying on the line. To this day, when we hear the rings, it reminds us that true love, if it’s really true, doesn’t need an answer.”

I know it’s compared to a weird thing, a phone call, but that’s what makes Pete and Pete so loveable. NOW just a few minutes ago, I saw Farewell, My Little Viking parts 1 and 2. When I watched it as a kid, I remember that episode breaking my heart into tiny little pieces. It’s about Little Pete’s personal superhero named Artie The Strongest Man… In The World, and his departure from Wellsville, and from Little Pete’s life forever.

I didn’t really understand what happened, and hated the episode so much before. Why did Artie have to leave? Why can’t he just stay there even if the International Adult Conspiracy was out to get him? Every time I watched Pete and Pete after that day, I kept hoping that he’d come hopping back, just in time to save Little Pete from trouble, but sadly, he never did.

Well, he did in the reruns, but that doesn’t count.

But I kinda understand now. It didn’t take Big Pete’s narration, the denouement, for me to understand. In fact, it didn’t need any words. All it needed was that scene where Little Pete beat Paper Cut without Artie’s help for me to comprehend what I couldn’t 8 years ago.

It’s funny. When I watch TV shows of the past, I could now understand some of the deeper parts, and of course, the sexual innuendos. Lots of cartoons had it like Cow and Chicken, I Am Weasel, and don’t even get me started on Rocko’s Modern Life. I mean, there’s this super hero in Rocko’s Modern Life, Really Really Big Man, who had this weird super power where his nipples would strech out and stick into the eyes of other people, then he’d make this strange noise and shit. He even called them The Nipples of the Future, on account of people can see the future when his nipples are stuck on their eyes. Back when I saw it on Nick, I wouldn’t really classify it as anything sexual. I was all innocent and simply thought that it was his super power. What’s so wrong about nipples that stretched and made you see the future?

But I saw it again a few months ago (on the net) and I could only stare at the monitor and mutter “…WHAT THE HELL???” I can’t believe I watched it years ago and didn’t think of the innuendo, but now, whenever I remembered it, I’d burst out laughing. I mean really, Nipples of the Future?? WHAT THE HELL INDEED. It gives me a reminder on how awesome and random TV shows were before.

Hmm. There seems to be an Artie shirt for sale on the net. The one that has the legendary “Artie pose” with a little quote from him on the top “DON’T GIVE UP HOPE!”, exactly like the one from the Farewell, My Little Viking episode. It costs around 850 PHP excluding shipment, but I want it. I MUST have it. AND I WILL!

Every single detail is imprinted on my mind, and it grows vivider with each passing day. How you blew fairy dust on my face and taught me how to fly. How we danced under the hundred million stars, all of them gazing curiously at two strange creatures below.

Though I knew that every moment, every minute with you was a crime, I had this hope, this tiny string in me that told me that it’ll all be worth it in the end. Though my feelings for you are pure, I simply cannot ask you, or demand you to tell me what you feel for me. For one thing, I don’t even want to know the answer.

For you see, I am incomplete. I could never catch up with you. With you, I’d spend the rest of my days marveling at you, yet I know that I would never be enough, and perhaps you knew this too. But the day you flew in my window was a day never to forget. You told me things too sweet for my ears, and best of all, you never asked me to grow up.

But I don’t even know what we are right now, or what we could be, or what we were. I know things are hard for you right now, my heartless little boy, but it’s harder for me. I simply cannot go along on limbo all alone, while waiting for you to come and fly me away. Do not call me impatient, for I would wait for you for a lifetime, if only I was certain there was something to wait for.

But what is this that I hear that you’re flying away? To another adventure? To a place where I could not catch up? It sucks that I don’t have to right to be angry, or to make you stay. You fly too fast, my little boy, and you would not even bother waiting for me, and reason is beyond your understanding.

It pains me more to think that for one fleeting moment, I thought that there could have been a better outcome from all this. Wounds heal, I know, but the ones that you left me would never. I know you will find another girl like me, out there somewhere, and I am sure that you will teach her how to fly also, and together you two will fly off to the second star to right, straight on ’til morning, and you will look at her and smile the same smile you said only came from me…

And by time, you will forget about me, but it will never be the case for me. I will never forget you, for like what I said, the details simply grow even vivider by day, and so will the agony.

So this tiny string of hope of mine? Let me sew it with your shadow, and take it with you. It’s the only inch of me left, since the moment you flew in, you already took my heart, my mind and practically every single inch, except for that string.

You promised to come back, as long as I promise never to grow up, but I know all is in vain, for I know very well that you would grow up without me. I know I would spend the rest of my nights by the window, waiting for the stars to blow you in, but they never will. Not anymore.

I have not forgotten how to fly, my little boy, but you have. You have forgotten the fairies that flew with you, every single magical thing in you disappeared. How can you come back when it is you that grew up and left me by the fireplace, waiting for you for that Spring time when I will take your hand and fly again where the sun points?

You really know how to ruin a girl, you know.
Why do things have to be complicated? =/ Why not us? Tell me, why not, soda pop, derdeh pop, dance like a cop, take a little hop?

My very first love letter and it’s a tragedy.

Good news: I CAN NOW GET MARRIED! Not that I have any plans, of course, nor have I read bridal magazines every now and then (REALLY!), but still, the idea whirls my mind. There is no probable groom though, unless if you count my many many many firemen when they are gagged and forced to wait on the aisle.

Bad news: I’m FUCKING OLD. Need I say more?

The whole stress thing is even getting to me now. I know I’ve already said that years ago, but that was a load of donkey shit, since I didn’t know a fig about stress back then. All I had were my shallow teenage problems, and besides, I used to listen to Simple Plan back then. God, the days! The angst!

SEE, I’m even talking like I’m 28.

But this whole case presentation thing is crazy, and to think most of my seniors would say that THIS is actually the easiest. Dare I imagine what lies ahead before me?

Those phony ads advertising our school is ridiculous. It shows a happy guy in all white, pointing the Finster building with all it’s glory.

What a load of donkey shit. First of all, we people in white HARDLY have any time to point at bloody buildings and smile at it. For one thing, my guts kinda give this aweful scream everytime I see it, the buildings, I mean. And those ads near the Roxas gate, the one with the girls gaping at their books with phony smiles on is even stupider. As if all we ever do all day is look at our books and brandish our smiles. In all my two years in Ateneo, I’ve never seen someone SMILING while actually poring their eyes out on a textbook. Most of them have their beady little eyes narrowed, their eyebrows furrowed into a monobrow, and most of them are usually strangely muttering under their breath while holding their forehead. Probably to keep the info in, the little dipshits.

ANYWAY, back to the point. I’m old, Goddamn it. I wasn’t even very enthusiastic about my birthday, seeing that I seemed to have celebrated it a week before, after our useless sonofabitch NSTP instructor ridiculed our group in front of the whole class. The nerve of that man! Anyway, that day, we had plans to go out right before the REAL hell week starts but Jem said she would be late which SUCKED.

But Chimpy told us they she was going to treat us to some restaurant. COOLIO! I like food, especially ones that are given to me for free. But first, Chimpy told us that we have to go to some place called Tsuru first because she has to meet her HRM friend there. So we took a cab to this Tsuru place right in front of People’s Park, and I found out that it was actually a restaurant and when we went in JEM WAS INSIDE, EVEN THOUGH SHE CLAIMED THAT SHE WAS GOING TO BE LATE.

So I was all: “What the hell? What are you doing here? Are you her HRM friend?”

Then all of a sudden, I didn’t know what was going on, for all them had sinister looks on their faces. If it wasn’t for the relaxing ambiance of the place, I’d think that my friends were actually brainwashed by the government, and soon enough, their faces will turn blank, but their smiles remain and then their heads will rotate in 360 degrees…

It soon came clear when the staff started singing Happy Birthday, a thing I always dreaded, that not even my parents would sing me that song without fear of getting the Evil Eye, but no Evil Eye threat there was, for I was simply in awe and surprise and confusion and full of WTF and of course, the feeling that I was just PUNKED. A surprise birthday party given to me a week before my actual birthday. Aww.
A seat was vacant and I asked them if any other freak was coming. They said a certain TOOT was coming, but they wouldn’t tell me who so for the rest of the meal, I just kept on looking at the door, waiting for that TOOT.

I wished fervently that it would be A——.

BUT IT WASN’T. Because when I FINALLY started to concentrate on my meal, it turned out to be MIGUEL. Oh god, I can’t BELIEVE the little sonofabitch (he’ll find this as a compliment, won’t you Miguel?) was in this too.

Oh, and my parents are psycho. They came the very next day and they gave me a DLSR! For the love of donkey shit, A VERY DLSR. AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE IT. I never even personally ASKED them for a DLSR. I just kept on bothering my eldest brother with questions and voila, they gave me a red bag from Camera Hauz and in it was my little baby I’ve never met, Holden.

Holden is the name of the camera. You’ll know what I’m talking about if you’re smart enough.

And yesterday, as a gift from the Heavens above, they gave me famine and fucking slideshows of people with their heads blown off, and their guts all over the pavement.

Seriously.

We had this awareness forum thing, (AT THE BEAUTIFUL 7TH FLOOR AUDITORIUM THAT WE BARELY USE. AND IT COSTS A GODDAMN FORTUNE IN OUR TUITION, THE FUCKING CASH-WHORE.) and they showed us real classified stuff about terrorists and all. The first part was pretty entertaining.

Army dude: So ang Mindanao noh… nagiging breeding ground siya ng mga terorista all over sa mundo. Pati ang mga Al Queda mismo dito napupunta paminsan.
Me: OMG I AM SO PROUD OF MY COUNTRY.
 
Then after I few minutes, I got so hungry (I kinda forgot to eat breakfast AND lunch) that I swear to God, I thought I was going to pass out on the floor. Then they showed us the gory pictures involving the places that were bombed, you know LIKE 10 MINUTES AFTER THEY WERE BOMBED. Blown off body parts, blood and brain spasms galore. There were loads of things that looked so deformed you wouldn’t have the faintest idea on what the fuck it WAS supposed to be.

But I was still hungry. The Battle of Trafalgar was raging in my belly. So I faced Togi and I begged her for food, but she said she didn’t have any (the selfish fiend!!!), and she was just as hungry as I was. I bet she wasn’t though. I swear I could hear Admiral Nelson screaming “FIRE!!!” (or more like “ALL UR BASE R BELONG TO ME!!!) at the French and Spaniards hords in my belly.

So I turned around and begged Miguel for some food instead.

Me: Migs…
Miguel: …o_O
Me: Miguel, may pagkain ka?
Miguel: No.
Me: But I’m hungry.
Miguel: I don’t have any food. I didn’t even eat lunch! (aba ang taray ng gago)
Me: -whines- I’M REALLY, REALLY HUNGRY.
Miguel: YOU WANNA EAT AFTER WATCHING THAT? -points at the screen-
Me: YES! (if anything at all, it just made me even more fucking hungry HAHA JUST KIDDING.)

wHATEVER. The whole population of sophomores danced in my honor because after that was the PE night. My peasants did a good job though most of dances were pretty slutty. BUT MY FRIENDS AND CLASSMATES GREETED ME ANYWAY SO THANK YOU GUYS! -hugs you all-
BAH! Enough with the drama. We’re going out later. Seeing now that I’m legal, I wonder if I can now drink absinthe? WELL JEM ISN’T EVEN LEGAL AND SHE DRINKS IT EVERYDAY LIKE IT’S A GODDAMN GLASS OF WATER.

I wonder…

PICTURES OF MY SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY ARE FOUND BELOW, DARLINGS! (how lame is it that every one of us, with the exception of Jacky, are still wearing our NSTP uniforms? Another symbol of our opression.)

GAGO KA MIGUEL.

More at my livejournal cuz I’m such a lazy fag.

I DON’T WANT TO READ USELESS SHIOTS ABOUT SOME DUMB FAMILY COPING INDEX. I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR WHAT NOT TO SAY WHEN IN THE COMMUNITY (as if those people there are going to hack my head off anyway, and if they did, well fucking good for them), I DON’T WANT TO WRITE A REPORT ON WHAT I DID TODAY AT THE MAGICAL LAND CALLED PIAPI, ASIDE FROM NEARLY TOUCHING CHICKEN SH*T. I DON’T WANT TO I DON’T WANT TO I DON’T WANT TOOOO

Why can’t someone just throw me in a cabin somewhere far, far, away where I can just make children’s books for a living and make cards for Hallmark at the same time while spending the rest of the morning gardening. Why can’t someone just give me a truck load of books to read because my life is so stupid that if it turned into a book, you’d be sound asleep at page uno.

Why can’t I draw any time I want, write any time I want, take a hike any time I want and READ things that I actually LIKE any time that I want?

More importantly, WHY AM I IN COLLEGE TAKING UP BS - DESPERADO TO GO ABROAD?

WHYYYYYY?

I have my parents to blame for this, you know. But since I’m pretending that I’m a sensible woman (at least in THIS part of the post anyway) of age 17, I’ll act like this is all my fault and I will accept the inevitable because I’m a grown up adult and shit and… and… WHY CAN’T THE WORLD JUST BLOW UP.

You look at the horizon, and just past that fucking building that seems to have no purpose (that it could explode without you noticing or caring), you could see only grayness and nothing more, but why is it that the clouds are heading off into that direction?

You see, where the world ends, another world starts, and maybe, just maybe, if you squint your eyes hard enough, if you believe in it hard enough, you might just see The World.

Don’t act like it’s something you’ve never seen before! For you have seen it. Many years ago, but growing up made you forget many things. It is unfortunate to note that you’ve forgotten the greatest thing of all.

But some of us don’t forget it. No, they still believe in it, deep in their hearts. So when they look at the horizon on the left, they do not see a big, blank and empty space. No, they see something else. For just beyond the shores of the left, it leads to another place. That’s where the gray clouds are heading. But they’re not really gray clouds, they’re the gray ships of The World. Most of them aren’t very good ships. Some are inhabited by pirates. You would know because they’re the gray ones, and if you look up and see them, you know there’s something going wrong. The white, fluffy ones are the air-ships of the Queen, sailing the limitless skies, on patrol for anything strange, and all of them overlooking the troublesome world.

Ah, me! What would I give to ride that air-ship again? What would I give to be able to see the golden trees of The World, to be able to step on its fertile soils, and to be able to hear the golden bells and the ripping of the beautiful waves?

Yes, again. I’ve ridden that air-ship before, and so have you. But you’ve forgotten now, haven’t you? You’ve forgotten everything about it.

It saddens the queen because the very existence of The World depends on how much the people believe. But as long as one person still believes in it, it would never go away.

I still believe in it, and always will. But believing simply isn’t enough of a reason to board on that ship again.

(WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!)

Though this is already my 2nd year in college, it did not take long enough for me to realize this: college sucks. Really, really bad. It only took 2 years for that gut feeling to come around. Y’know, that feeling that whenever you hear or see something you don’t want to hear nor see comes around and then your guts start screaming and then you run to the nearest bathroom, open the cubicle, punch and then throw out the girl occupying it, then lock the door. THAT feeling.

So basically, everytime I go home, I feel like I’m in this bubble. Nobody telling me to do stuff I don’t want (like reading fucking textbooks as thick as the fucking phonebook of the entire PHILIPPINES!!!) Not having to think what I want nor how to get dinner. I don’t have to worry about school shit and everything. So the trip from GenSan to Davao is somewhat like… the calm before the storm. Or it’s like I’m riding this boat to the mouth of the alligator which will swallow me whole, and which I dare hope not, will spit me right back out. Although right now, that’s all I want to happen. I want to have a reason for that thing to spit me back out. Call me a stupid coward, but I don’t want to go back.

I can say that I have changed. Looking at my past entries of my numerous blogs (I only show to the public 2 of them), I realized how much I’ve changed. I used to be fun. I’d write more on how I’ve changed, but it’s too embarrassing, so I’ll limit it. Point is, I’ve changed. So I’m like… what the fuck? I guess college really brought out the worst out of me. There are things that I wished to accomplish, and yet I haven’t even started on them yet. College only made me think of myself as a lowly piece of shit. I’m not gonna lie to you, all of this is obviously of the biggest mistake I have ever made. Although some would think that it’s a very shallow problem to ponder upon, and that the solution is quite simple (shifting), I can just tell you people to shut the fuck up and that it’s not that easy.

Plus, I’m already on my 2nd year, and I’ve already wasted a lot of time and effort on this course. And there’s obviously the main factor: my parents don’t want me to shift. College, I guess, made me realize that my happiness does not count when it comes to choosing your own future. I’ve deluded myself into thinking that nobody is ever happy with their lives, and they do it all just to please the people around them. College, I’ve realized, is what takes the inner child away from a person. Now I can see why grown ups are so boring and so stupid and so lacking of a life. That’s because they went to college. And I’m guessing the people who wanted to take the path where they’d end up happy, ended up as hicks or jobless people. But you know, not all of them. I guess there are some people who took up what they wanted, and although it does not pay much, I’m guessing they repeat “Nobody becomes a historian (or insert another job here) for the money” 70 times a day. So I guess college made me realize that to get a successful future? Discard happiness, discard choice. It’s not about your choice. It’s about society’s choice. Your choice does not matter. They should include that in their fucking flyers.

I don’t even know why I still go to school. It’s like every time I go to school, I’m  just aimlessly walking around the campus. Most of my brain is dead, but there’s still that tiny, tiny part which I usually ignore, that keeps on screaming “What the fuck am I doing here?” So when I watched Wall-E (it’s stupid to compare this post to that movie, I know, but it’s a good movie so shut up), I just… I guess, I felt so sorry for the people in that fat-ass space machine. Everytime I saw the spacecraft, I just kept on thinking: “How could someone think of something inhumane as living on a fake Bahamas?” Obviously my environmentalist side kicked in, and started screaming about how those people had it coming for not taking the whole “the earth is about to die!!!!” cries. But here I am, alive and well here on Earth, underneath the blue sky and eating a real pizza (one that isn’t on a smoothie container), which the captain of the spacecraft craved for, and yet I’m actually thinking that death is a form of comfort.

And then some people would think I’m a selfish, arrogant and whiny bitch. I know some people would kill for the type of luxury I have right now. Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. You always want what you don’t have. Well of course, Einstein, why would I want something that I already have? But I guess the point of the saying is that nobody is ever satisfied, but for Christ’s sake, even Bill fucking Gates isn’t even satisfied with HIS life, why should I be with mine? After watching a few movies yesterday, my mind is still foggy yet I’m about to see things a lot clearly now. A BIT, anyway. I remember bawling over Finding Neverland, Return of the King (yet again), and even Into the Wild. Although it certainly did not give me answers, it made me sure that I do not want to go into graduate school (even if graduate school had nothing to do with the said movies). I don’t want to become a neurosurgeon, even if it’s nobody’s dream, and I most certainly do not want to live a life reading a book about foot allergies. Surely there has to be a life greater than this, and although I can’t find it, I guess that’s the point of things. You can’t just have things given to you in a silver platter. I guess this is why only some people have a life, because it’s only these few people who dared enough to look for it. Although I am not sure if I’d even dare to look for this said life, it brings me enough comfort to think that once in my lifetime, I’ve seen the world James Barrie, J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis and a few more people saw. I saw it perfectly with my two own eyes and I guess the path I have chosen robbed me of it. I don’t need anyone to tell me what Neverland, or Narnia looks like, because I’ve seen it. All those years of daydreaming, I guess they didn’t end up in vain. Anna Karenina Anna Karenina Anna Karenina, oh why did I have to read youuuuuuu

What the fuck? Do people even actually read this thing? I don’t even know why I’m whining here. Maybe because this stupid computer won’t let me in livejournal. This has got to be the most useless post the internet has ever seen. OK, so I admit there are worser things in 4chan.

I’m gonna go and play Ragnarok now. Yes, I still play that game so STFU!

My mom said that it was a good idea and maybe I should work at Jollibee or something. Is she on crack? As much as I enjoy thinking of working in a fast food place, I will NOT work in Jollibee. That’s like working in McDonalds! I mean… I kinda wanted to work in McDonalds a few months ago (LOL) but I’ve read a few disturbing stories about McDonalds and their weird customers.

I told her that I can design the house for a minimum wage of P10,000/month. Then she started laughing in a very creepy way. I was joking about the wage, of course… BUT I wasn’t kidding about the whole designing part. Seriously. IS SHE DOUBTING MY INTERNAL DECORATING SKILLS?! How dare she! Our house seriously needs some redecorating.

So tomorrow and for the rest of the summer, I shall be doomed to a life of BOREDOM and HUNGER. There’s nothing to eat in this God forsaken place! Today, I even laid down on the floor out of sheer boredom and imagined that I was looking at the sky. Then I started shriveling and stuff and my mom was all "…eh?!" and then I just cried out "MY SUGAR LEVEL IS DANGEROUSLY LOW!" then she and my uncle started laughing really hard. BUT IT’S TRUE! My sugar level was dangerously low! ME NEED SUGAAAAAAAAAAAR. MMM, SUGAR GOOD HEHEHEHEHE

And our trip to Kalsangi was cancelled. Well, my parents were invited to go there and stuff and I wanted to come too because I didn’t want to rot in our house! But since my dad had this "family meeting" of some sort with his siblings, we weren’t able to go. Then my aunt asked me if what do I want to be in the future and I replied with a smirk "A programmer, web designer, journalist, brain surgeon, neurologist, naturalist, figure skater, artist, slacker, tour guide, archaeologist, chef, composer, professional pianist, MOM! (lol mom)"

My aunts and uncles had this "o_O" face on (obviously) and my aunt asked "All at once?!" and I laughed and replied "Hah, how I wish. :)"

WELL DREAMS DO NOT COME TRUE HERE. ESPECIALLY THE FIGURE SKATER PART LOL.

Then my mom went all "Well, you can achieve all them if you want, but not all at once, of course." LOL. What a hypocrite. The woman who calls me stupid and dunderhead is actually calling me a genius when she’s in front of many people. Although I do not think I am stupid even though there are days where I do… but that’s not the point! Then my aunt asked me why I didn’t become a journalist in our school or at least joined that I.T. contest.

Mom: Ewan ko diyan uy… sinayang niya lang ang high school life niya.
Me: HAH! So I have to recognize myself to the staff? HAHA. Hindi naman ako ganun kakapal noh. Hindi naman ako vain para isigaw sa buong mundo na magaling ako. Yeah, I know I have the skills and potential but it’s not up to me to be recognized. MURA KOG ‘I LOVE ME’ ANA EH. The only reason why I tell people that "I’m smart" is just to prove them wrong because everyone thinks I’m some dumbass weirdo. If they didn’t let me join their dumb organization or contest -shrugs- eh kawalan na nila un. Ang mga pinipili nila kasi ung mga "sikat" lang. Eh, ang alam lang naman ng mga teachers ay anak ako ng may-ari ng Durian Garden at lumalapit lang sila sa akin kasi may pinapabili o kaya hinihingi sila sa akin. Alam mo ung I.T. contest, sabi sa akin ng friend ko na ang score raw ni Bonbon sa typing contest of some sort ay 50+w/minute. Eh ako nga nakaya ko ang 90+w/minute. Kasalanan na yan ng mga teachers kung bakit sila mga tanga at mga pasikat. They always say that the students need to respect their teachers, but they don’t even teach us about respect because they have nothing to teach! Wala silang alam tungkol sa "respect" na yan.

Yeah, believe it or not, I just kept on blabbering in front of everyone. Goes to show how much of a blabber-mouth I can be whenever I’m mad.

Then I told all this to an online "friend" and he goes all "Eh kung matalino ka, bakit hindi ka valedictorian?"

Me: Because I don’t base my worth and intellect on a dumb card and medal, you dumb piece of shit.

Ah, yes. The school is not my enemy here… but some of the dumb people running it.